May 5, 2011

The royal wedding part 2: the hats– the ugly and the downright atrocious

So you've been waiting for the next part in A's Royal Wedding Commentary have you? Sure... I know you're just being pleasant, but here it is anyway!

Me: Okay... Are you ready to launch into the ladies' hats?
Him: ...I don't think I'll ever be ready for this.
Me: The question was more theoretical. You don't exactly have a choice...
Him: ...

 Queen Elizabeth II (center) with Carole Middleton (left) and the Duchess of Cornwall (right).

Me: Here's our first group of eccentric hats. What do you think?
Him: Well, this is our most "normal" group I'd think.
Me: I'd agree, but between the bright yellow top hat that the Queen wears and the weird flipped up brim of the Duchess of Cornwall's hat...
Him: ...It's weird.
Me: That's what I was saying. I think Carole Middleton's hat is relatively normal.
Him: Her daughter's getting married and she doesn't have the excuse of a title to wear a Lady Gaga piece on her head.
Me: That explains it. But what about Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall?
Him: What about her?
Me: Why isn't she wearing a totally all out hat?
Him: Hmm... well after the late Princess Diana, people don't exactly love her.
Me: True.

Queen Sofia, Prince Felipe, and Princess Letizia of Spain.

Him: And there's the Queen of Spain with her mini entourage!
Me: Nice way of putting it.
Him: Why thank you.
Me: ...
Him: So what do you think of the Queen and the Princess's hats?
Me: I actually like them. The Princess's hat especially. I think it's quite elegant looking in that dusty rose colour. It looks like something out of the '20s!
Him: Don't get too excited.
Me: Oh, I won't!
Him: That was sarcasm.
Me: Sure...
Him: Anyways... What do you think of the Queen's hat?
Me: I think it looks quite cute looking. I can't help but think "Aww...".
Him: I agree with that one. I wish I had a granny that wore hats like that!
Me: ...Not what I was going for...

 Miriam Gonzalez Durantez 

Him: Look! There's a flamengo on her head!
Me: And that had so much potential to be a nice looking hat...
Him: You mean "nicer".
Me: From what I can see at this angle, I love her dress with the sophisticated dots. The hat's colours are wonderful and bring a pop of colour to the outfit...
Him: But the shape...
Me: Exactly. The shape... It makes me sad.
Him: 'Nough said. Let's move on before you start crying.

Socialite Tara Palmer–Tomkinson and whoever it is behind her.

Him: That's not felt is it?
Me: Let's hope not.
Him: On the bright side, it looks really soft as a blanket. It just looks so blue... Even if I was colour blind I'd probably be able to see that blue from kilometers away. 
Me: Who's that behind the very blue Tara?
Him: I don't know. I can't see with the bright blue in my eyes. It burns!
Me: Seriously. Who is that?
Him: Look her up online.
Me: I can't find her.
Him: Oh, she's probably not important enough. 
Me: But she got invited to the wedding of the year. 
Him: I don't think that's saying much. I got an invite.
Me: Good point.
Him: ...Hey!

Marina and Ben Fogle 

Me: Here are the Fogles.
Him: The who?
Me: The Fogles.
Him: Who are?
Me: No clue. But...
Him: Let me guess– you like her hat?
Me:  Not really. I think it sort of looks like a macaroon. 
Him: Oh I see that... I'm hungry.
Me: Anyways. I wanted to talk about Ben Fogle's hair.
Him: What is up with his hair?
Me: My question exactly.
Him: It's poofy and only the top's blonde...
Me: I think you've found your new infatuation.

 Queen Margrethe II of Denmark

Him: A bird molted on the Queen of Denmark's head.
Me: Molted?
Him: I'm serious. A bird molted on her head.
Me: I see that! 
Him: A blue bird just dropped feathers on her head.
Me: Man... I do see that.
Him: I told you. A bird molted on the Queen of Denmark's head.
Me: Poor Queen Margrethe.
Him: Poor bird!

Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice of York.

Him: Wow... so this is the hat that has it's own facebook page!
Me: If you're talking about Princess Beatrice's hat, then yup. It has about 5 facebook pages all to it's self. Among them my favorite would have to be "Princess Beatrice's Ridiculous Hat Killed Osama Bin Laden".
Him: I think I already joined that one. 
Me: And the sad thing is that the group "LOVE Princess Beatrice's Hat"has the fewest members.
Him: I don't blame them. 
Me: As a work of art, Princess Beatrice's hat is just brill. But as a hat...
Him: It's the worst hat in the history of worst ugly hats.
Me: To put it bluntly.
Him: Her sister's seems a bit better.
Me: Princess Eugenie's hat seems a bit more... restrained. 
Him: Good thing too. It's scary enough.
Me: Well in short, the princesses of York have outdone themselves.
Him: And that's to put it lightly.
Me: That concludes our segment on hats. 
Him: We hope you enjoyed it as much as we've enjoyed making it.
Me: Remember you can always comment below and tell us what you liked so our next one will be even better!


  1. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

  2. i'm a writer to this blog,yes, but i really have just got to say i love this. LOVE LOVE LOVE! we'll have to do more posts in this format. have any more for us to look forward to?!?1 :D

    ps: the answer to that questions is yet.
    pps: a bird that molted. classy.

  3. What do you mean by "the answer to that questions is yet"?

    ANYWAYS: I ADORE this post and the one before it. Is there a way to suscribe to Tirvani? My classmates and I would love to! Way to go A and the oh so mysterious "HIM"! We <3 <3 <3 you!

  4. i was searching hats from the wedding for project for college (curse greek!), but this was above and beyond what i was hoping for! i actually read the WHOLE thing instead of working on that said project!

  5. do you have a boyfriend?

  6. To the 3rd Comment-

    it was supposed to be "the answer to that question is yes" meaning, there will be more to come in this format. stay tuned!

  7. ahaha, love this soooo much.

  8. molting bird... flamengo... best post ever~~~~~~~


  10. too. cool. for. words.


  11. i. hate. the. hats.

  12. hahahaha they make me laugh!


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